This is why I don’t go to bars. This is why I don’t say anything anymore. Because it is an intrusion. I am of the school that if you like me, talk to me, because I am a man and I don’t want you to feel afraid. I want to know that you like me and this is an almost certainty if you make the move. And then, I will treat you like you should be treated. Not as an equal, because we still have this physical difference and you still don’t know who I am. And I know it will take some time to develop trust, not on that day, not on the next, and perhaps never, which is always OK. The point is, I am looking for a partner, not an object. I am looking for a person, someone with whom I can carry on a conversation that is more than just a pick-up line.

I have a very good male friend. He and I are almost a spitting image of each other, which is often true of gay partners, but we write, we photograph, we enjoy the same music, almost anything I like, he likes too. I wish he were a woman. That’s what I want in a woman and so all this information about what a woman is actually thinking resonates with me. We have to get to the bottom of finding out these common beliefs, attitudes, and values in a potential mate, because otherwise, there will only be sex and no conversations and sharing after. We are at a serious brink. We need to find soulmates, not pick-up dates. We need to care more deeply for the other person and respect their true selves. Just because they are hot, doesn’t mean a damn thing. Soulless sex is frankly, soulless and empty. It establishes no gains. It flattens you. It is not something you want to brag about. Sex is inherently the deepest, most intimate engagement. Why have it with a complete stranger with whom you have nothing in common?

After all, it establishes a false intimacy. And you develop a connection that is faltered, flawed, and handicapped. Imagine if you accidentally impregnate her?