This is insightful! The women I “loved” were beautiful, but their ideas also amazed me because they saw the world for what it was and made me realize I wasn’t in alignment. I have spent my whole life working at a day job while also doing creative projects. Those creative projects never transitioned into real work, while I remained “consistent” in my day job. I am tired. And back to beauty, a man cannot love someone he is not attracted to. His penis is like a thermometer. If he has trouble in the bedroom, he doesn’t even bother. Maybe I don’t understand love at all. I just know what I want. And, like you, I won’t settle on a “thing,” I want something more. Of those three women, I still want them. They represented what I lacked. I loved them because they were smarter than I am. I loved them because they had confidence, even though it might be about a job that I didn’t really respect. I thought they could be much more. Anyway, I think confidence is key when it comes to love.