Me too, and like you, but for a different reason, I left. I wasn’t sure what my partner wanted. I didn’t know it was that kind of party. We were new, and it felt weird wanting to experiment. I remember wanting to be with a philosophy student in front of me who was bent backwards practically facing me or a reclining woman on the bed, who was clearly wanting to make love to a tall blond man next to her. I loved how people moved to be in close proximity to those they wanted, and how we might be able to partake in what appeared our true desires, except, of course, I was supposed to be loyal to the person I was with, but I really wanted those two women, and the woman I had come with. Sadly, I did not do what I wanted and apparently neither did she. She was mad at me for making the decision to leave. She wanted to know what it was like in case her two boys, then five and seven, would one day face it. As far as I can tell, no one does what they don’t want, and permissions are mandatory. It would have been a playroom, where you could see people you wanted, even if they didn’t specifically want to be with you, and maybe you wouldn’t look yourself and find someone, who wanted to be with you. In that sense, such a party is probably mandatory. It’s always good to know where you stand, which might surprise you.

During dinner, while I heated homemade veal scallopini, a vegetarian wanted to know what it tasted like. She said she was always curious. I wondered if it was really about my dish. I felt like she wanted me. And as a shy person, I would have never thought that. I am so sorry I left early. You should never leave a sex party on an empty stomach. Missing that party still breaks my heart.