I want to question this. I don’t believe in who deserves whom. I believe in people wanting to be with each other. There has to be a strong, unbreakable, you-are-the-one-and-I-never-want-to-ever-let-you-go longing on the part of both parties or else, the connection should be broken. Which is not to say that at anytime those feelings can change because life is not like that. It keeps bringing us to the place where we are supposed to be. Logistics are so important. Realities. I once read that if there is any more than disappointment, then the relationship was co-dependent. But, of course, in the background is Capitalism that has the nature of “go[ing] all the way down, determining our affective states, as well as our very desires, dreams and the contours of our inner most worlds. Subjectivity, then, is not solely a rational business in this sense or, at least, those aspects not involved in the project of reason are also crucial to our sense of who and what we are, or, indeed, what we might become,” (O’Sullivan), who also said that Capitalism affects our emotions, “from an omnipresent ambient anxiety, to resentment and depression, to all out paralysing fear,” and thus how can we really create an equilibrium of mental health amid the already-present stressors of having a relationship with someone else and their own needs and the needs of those (children) we have created with them, if this is relevant. I think we may be inherently broken because as citizens in a Capitalistic society, we use our bodies to create wealth vs. capitalists, who use machines, others, and surplus capital. We are on a hamster wheel as bodily-only consumers and with that stress, relationships, as indicated by Maslow’s need hierarchy, we slip from sex to other needs, higher and lower, to just one person, to many, to get our needs (not sexual, per se) met.
I think we often forget what is outside the relationship that is what causes downfall, and that what we really deserve is peace. An economic model that ensures safety is what might help/save our relationships, because then they are less likely to become commodities, but rather selfless outpourings that have no need to compete? If I said, “I loved you,” wouldn’t you then be thinking of the practicalities of my overture, rather than of your heart? Don’t we contextualize our lovers in terms of the past, present, and future?
