I don't toss the towel, but I also try not to fight too hard, where I feel it is futile and has proven itself as such. I think I am getting very close to fundamental change in an effort to be more realistic given the need to retire at some point. There might be one more indulgence, which would be to design and build housing developments.

Currently, at work, I do freeze and put on blinders in an effort to lessen awareness, not taking in the whole picture, not slowing down, not being so affected. When I think I have done my best and a mistake is still made, I do get angry, defensive, hold grudges, contemplate revenge, become distressed or disappointed and narrow myself.

But, I do keep coming back, after 27 years at the same job, and I keep telling myself to slow down, process, relax and just get through it. And I have told myself that it might not be a good fit, but I have also applied for every job I thought I might like, and I was either unqualified or misunderstood it as it really is.

Thank you for providing this list and explanation. I apologize for making my responses public. As people will say, "TMI."

But, I think we are in very different times. We need to be reminded of the truth given all the lies.

If, as a psychologist, you deem my declarations as narcissistic, I apologize. I am wearing my birthday suit and I want to be reborn.