Dear Ms. Bradshaw,

I had to go back and reread your article to find the reason why I said you wanted to get ahead of abuse by controlling it. I think I projected that. I remember someone saying that the abused often get involved with older men, because they remind them of their fathers or uncles, who abused them or who were never around. And the act of having sex with people who reminds them of those who abused them was to finally get control, to try to understand how it happened. There are some other thoughts I had when I re-read and wrote out what you had said in the piece. I think the bottom line is that I want you to be safe. Anyway, I include the following so you know I have been thinking a lot about you and this piece. I am working on a piece(s) about #MeToo! and feminism. I really loved this. Oddly, you mention a “boudoir photo shoot” as an ambition and wanted feedback on the experience. And while this is in no way something you may appreciate or find relevant, I wanted to say that recently, I got an annual announcement of a friend’s work anniversary and as per the last few years, I congratulate her and I don’t hear back. I looked her up on the Internet only to find that she passed two years ago from cancer. I did a Boudoir shoot of her and was planning to do it as a book. As you can imagine, I just sat there.

“An erotic photo journal documenting your experiment in sexual empowerment and exhibition.”

You took all your clothes off and exhibited yourself to feel powerful. Why does a woman need to take her clothes off to feel powerful? She is already powerful. The fact that a man generally measures a woman by her body and her face and words and how she says them. He is not powerful. He is superficial.

I have not shared erotic photos of my body, except that I sent a dic pic to a woman I was communicating with over a long period of time.

It is risky to show oneself nude. It is bold. It takes courage. And yes, it can be dangerous, but not because of rules, but because of the men, I assume you mean, who might want to do something to you.

You get off on the thrill of the risk, being showy and bold, and following the rules.

You say that it makes you feel sexually empowered as a woman. Why do you qualify that “as a woman?”

To share erotic photos of your body increases your libido, making you feel more hungry, attractive, wanton, and sexual. And it makes you more active in bed with your husband.

You want to be honest for your readers. And you like to get attention and thus this is why you post your nude or scantily-clad images.

You struggle with feeling neglected, invisible, and starved for attention, but sharing your images makes you feel attractive and desired.

You have struggled with an eating disorder. You flirt with alcohol, wrestle with a poor body image, which is implied given your eating disorder, but also caused by overeating and over-drinking alcohol.

You say you are self-aware and you know that sharing your erotic images boosts your confidence. When you look at them you feel sexy and enjoy your design.

You admit that you like everything about your form. You do not love quarantine weight gain since the photos were taken, and you are aware of what you hide or crop bothersome areas.

You do not feel that careful placement and posing is hating or hiding imperfections. Instead, you feel that it simply highlights and displays parts that make you feel beautiful.

Besides, the benefits of getting likes and comments, there is a psychological benefit that comes from being in control of what you care to show.

It is not like walking down the street and being verbally harassed about your outfit. It is also not like being groped by a stranger without your consent.

You are showing what, where, when and how. You approve of everything that gets seen, and that’s a wonderful, lustful, and heady feeling.

I have heard that those who are sexually abused like to find men, who remind them of their abusers and sleep with them but in a manner that allows them to control the situation vs. the impetus or time when they were out of control. Women whose fathers molested them, for example, have “Daddy issues,” where they chose older men, because consciously or unconsciously they are reenacting their initial bad experience to then control it, because initially, they were not in control of something that changed their lives and made them feel vulnerable and completely out of control. Does this resonate with you? Because I want to go back to the period before you were raped or molested to find the woman, who did not feel that such exposure was even a thought because you felt like you were in control of that and people should respect you and that this kind of thing should never happen. A woman should not have take off her clothes unless she wants to. I think that’s where we agree fundamentally. No experience, where a woman feels out of control, should happen to her.

You say that displaying your erotic images gives you an outlet for your love of photography. You are a happy amateur and love to experiment with it. It fulfills you creatively and sexually arouses you.

You have others shoot you and that is even more difficult. It makes you feel nervous and self-conscious, but this is also thrilling.

You like that you are in charge of the sessions and what goes out into the world.

It has taken a long time to move from sharing partial nudity to being fully naked.

You never felt like you were much of an exhibitionist, but you now have a blog about your sexual journey.

You learned a lot about yourself sexually. You wrote your own stories and read others’. You’ve promoted your work and admire other women, who were posting beautiful pictures of themselves.

You said you were always curious about about why women were posting pictures of their bodies on-line. You considered attention and money as motivations, but you said it goes deeper than that for many women. I am interested in that.

You said you decided to share your naked breasts and warned Twitterers that it was coming in one day.

You said that most people follow sex writers for the writing, and not the “unexpected, eye-assaulting nude pictures,” then you said that you may be wrong. In warning the Twitter followers, you gave them a chance to opt out and unfollow you. [I am curious, what was the response? Did any unfollow you?]

After encouragement, you posted a bathtub selfie, then a close-up b/w topless in bed.

You like that Twitter expands images to full size.

You showed a part of your pubic mound. You were not uncomfortable but felt bold and unapologetic.

You find intimate shots are no longer shameful, which is something you felt when you were younger. You find them true and hold a unique beauty and it doesn’t matter what gender is displayed.

On your social channels, you see bodies of all shapes and sizes and in various states of undress.

To you, they are all unique and beautiful individuals. You recognize filtering, but that playing with color and light is part of the fun.

You also recognize the business angle to the postings. You hope the images will lead viewers to become readers, and from the writing you hope to garner income.

You find no shame in wanting to make money from your writing. You want to provide a better life for you and your family. You are happy and fulfilled in expressing yourself and should money come from that, you only see money as a thing.

You post safely and anonymously. You’ve been doing this for a year and a half. You dipped your toes in exhibition and got more sexually adventurous.

You feel that by not showing your face and taking careful photos at sexy angles, that you are comfortable sharing with readers and followers, who is behind the words.

You say there is a person behind the images and the words and you have chosen to share.

You write about true sexual experiences and dark fantasies and protect your identity in the process. Anonymity is absolutely necessary.

Your rules recognize that pleasure and sexual fulfillment is still taboo.

Such sharing, you say, could be detrimental to your family and career, thus you use a pen name.

You said that being good by day and secretive and sexually expressive at night is a turn-on.

You said to be prepared for negative response and vicious trolls and you should know yourself enough to be able to take criticism or even malicious responses, and that by sharing online you are inviting negative reactions.

Some, you said, may even offer constructive criticism.

And others, you said, are out to hurt you just for the fun of it.

You don’t have to agree with them nor let them shut you up.

You admit that this gets to you sometimes and has caused you to develop a thicker skin. But, basically, the response to you has been positive and thus you continue doing what you love to do.

You do not advise that people share themselves due to pressure to do so.

You do this for yourself and your fulfillment and not for anyone else’s.

You recognize that writing and reading about explicit sex is not what everyone likes and people don’t necessarily illustrate your stories as you do, which you feel is fine and you don’t judge others for not being into it.

You want to take this further. You want to take a professional boudoir photo shoot.

You are beginning your research and would like to hear from those who have had good experiences from that, and once you’ve completed the project you will share the outcome.