deamaharani, It’s hard connecting the reactive jumps Medium makes in tying together statements, so I am a bit at a loss here, but you mention “trauma” that seems to follow “just loving.” I admit there’s a certain amount of vulnerability here, but it has been my experience that you can’t love unless you love yourself and that has to be an opinion based on fact. I, for example, need to find work that I am happy with and pays a living wage and then some before I can engage another human being. Have you read about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Well, you cannot engage in self-actualization unless you satisfy all your other needs, sex being among those, which is odd. Because getting sex seems to be contingent upon achieving great things. So, the situation seems to impose a double bind.

“Deficiencies due to hospitalism, neglect, shunning, ostracism, etc. can adversely affect the individual’s ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general, ((https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow’s_hierarchy_of_needs).

So, this adds insult to the injury of a healthy climb up the pyramid of needs. Is that what you are referring to? To build your self-esteem you may need to accept who you are, yet if you have depression or other imbalance this can distract you from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem, (Ibid).

Let me know if this answers your question. Like I said, I seem to be distanced from the reference you are making. If so, ask a full question, so I can contextualize it and thank you for asking. -m